Tough Love: 7 Tips for Giving Constructive Feedback by Beth Boynton, RN, MS Is giving feedback something you dread or shy away from? Do you find that giving complimentary feedback is easy, but you have a harder time if someone's behavior is troubling you? Giving a friend or colleague feedback about a concern or perception you have with their behavior shows respect and compassion for yourself and the other person. Choosing this path is not easy. Many of us struggle because we worry about offending or alienating another. It may seem easier to avoid or vent to someone else about the problem. This can lead to resentment or clique-like conduct which isn’t healthy for you, your colleague or your work environment. Here are 7 tips to help you give feedback and remember, even when painful, it can be a gift! 1. Kind and helpful. Check in with your own intentions around offering feedback. Helping someone to grow and learn is much different than a put-down. Look for an opportunity to acknowledge his/her willingness to hear your concerns. Receiving feedback isn't easy! (Watch for tips in a future issue.) 2. Check to see if feedback is wanted. Keep in mind that timing and location are crucial. "I have some feedback I'd like to share with you. Are you open to hearing it?" (If "no", respect the person's decision). If you are in a leadership position or there are safety issues and there is feedback that you must give, don’t offer an option. 3. Time and place. Collaborate to find an appropriate time and place for your feedback. So much of nursing takes place in public view and at such a fast pace that it may be best to set up a time after work. 4. Be specific & don't judge or exaggerate. Describe your concern without using words that indicate judgment. Don't use labels and don't exaggerate. Avoid loaded expressions such as "never" or "always." 5. Ask questions. In addition to sharing your thoughts, ask the person for his/her opinion. Allow the receiver to suggest changes in behavior before offering options. 6. Perception check. Ask questions to see if your message has been accurately heard. Remember, the message you send may not be the same as the message received. It is human nature for us to attach our own meaning to things and you may need to present the feedback differently. 7. Focus on your concern for the person and behaviors which can be changed. Monitor your attachment to "being right" or for the person changing in ways that you think they should. Here is an example: “Mary, I noticed something the last few times we worked together and would like to share some feedback with you. Would you be willing to hear my thoughts after work today?” Later….. “Thanks for meeting me and being willing to listen, Mary. I heard some of your conversations with patients this week and it seems to me that your tone of voice and gestures are unnecessarily loud and abrasive. Last night, with Mr. Smith, it sounded as if you were getting impatient when he resisted his insulin shot. I know how stressful our unit can be. I’m worried that you may have something adding to your stress or are getting burned-out. Am I misreading something? Is there some way I could be helpful? Making the decision to offer feedback is a personal one, and only you can decide if it is the right thing to do. Let me know if this article has been helpful or how you might add to this advice. bbbboynton@verizon.net © Beth Boynton, RN, MS |
